Sometimes we don't get what we want....when we want

It is something we all learned at a very young age. I try to teach it to Isabella every day, sometimes several times a day. Just because that is what you want, doesn't mean that is what you get. I tell her that in an endless loop sometimes. I wonder if I shouldn't remind myself of the same thing. As adults I guess we get used to getting what we want when we want. We have more power to do it for ourselves so we are told less often that we can't. We are also taught that we can do anything if we put our minds to it and work hard. Unfortunately, when it comes to conception and pregnancy it doesn't have too much to do with hard work and "putting our minds to it." I wish that was all it took. I have had to come to grips with the fact that for whatever reason I am not pregnant right now with one of the three babies I have recently lost. It is difficult to deal with not being able to have something right now that I want so badly, but I am trying to believe that God is just telling me "Not now" and not "Never." I am trying to have faith that the doctors will be able to help me and that when we do get our second baby it will feel like it was just how it was meant to be. I am also trying to believe that maybe God's place in all this is just to be there to support Nick and I as we deal with the loss and the sadness and the frustration with the process of all the doctors and such. It is hard for me to figure out where God is in the losses so I have decided to think of God as my Father who is mourning the losses with me and is taking good care of the precious souls that have been taken from me to heaven. If they are anything like Isabella....they are a handful. :)

On to Isabella, the precious little girl I do have at home. She is so busy climbing up and into anything she can find. Here are a few pictures of the things she has climbed on or into in the last week.

This isn't safe?

Bella in a pot...deliciously cute!

What's for dinner, ma?

Meeting our new doctor

Yesterday Nick and I went to our first appointment with the specialist and really liked him. He gave us a plan for how we are going to approach our problem of recurring miscarriage. He is mostly going to do a ton of blood tests and then next week I am going to have a saline histogram which is an ultrasound where they use salt water in the uterus to look for abnormal things in the uterus such as fibroids or adhesions. The blood tests are going to look for things like abnormal chromosomes that Nick or I could be carrying, immune system issues (like where my body may be attacking the baby), abnormal blood clotting which could prevent good blood flow into the uterus, and he is going to test my thyroid and some other hormones. He said he is going to put me on progesterone as a matter of course. There are some studies that have been done that showed that in two groups of women with recurrent miscarriage that the ones that were given progesterone had less miscarriages than the ones that did not take it, so they just give it as a matter of course. There is apparently no reliable test if it is a progesterone issue. But if this is the issue it can lead to an inadequate development of the lining of the uterus which can lead to early miscarriage. He said we have a very good chance of having a successful pregnancy in the future, especially since we already have Isabella. I hope that the next time we get pregnant it will end with a baby. I will update as we get the results from all the tests.

The Fertility Journey begins

Unfortunately Nick and I have experienced our 3rd miscarriage in a row this week (our 4th total). This bumps us in to the diagnosis of Recurrent Pregnancy Loss or RPL....wow! an acronym, it must be important! :) There are some positive things about getting to this place, we can see the professionals and stop having to beg the OB/GYN to help us. I am in the process of getting a new OB/GYN as well. We have an appointment to see Dr. Toner at the Atlanta Center for Reproductive Medicine tomorrow. It looks like a great place with doctors that continue to research causes and cures for infertility and recurrent miscarriage. I have a feeling this might be our answered prayer. I am excited that tomorrow we will have a plan of attack and will be one step closer to meeting our second child. Stay tuned for updates on our baby journey! Please keep us in your prayers.

Playing naked on the deck

No, not Nick...Isabella. Unfortunately our little monster has been battling a monster of a diaper rash and of course the advice the doctors always give is to let them have time in the day without a diaper. This suggestion makes sense in terms of allowing them time to air out, but make no sense in terms of keeping the floors of my house poop and pee free. So since Nick and I are so tired of watching Isabella suffer from this rash we decided to let her play without a diaper on the deck a few times a day. Yesterday was the first time we tried this and within a few minutes she had pooped and peed. It is so much easier to spray off a deck than clean up a carpet. We figure other things like birds poop on our deck, so no big deal. Today we are out again as I type this post and I have just finished cleaning up the poop and pee...only proving how ridiculous this would be in the house. I actually got it on film as I was taking pictures of her and failed to notice she was doing the deed as I snapped shots. I don't think it is appropriate to post them, but if you are ever curious... :)

Our naked baby...I snapped the bottom of her outfit over her shoulder to keep it free of any poop or pee :)

Reluctantly learning to expect the unexpected (or our little no-nap reader)

Well I have not posted in a few days as this week has thrown me for a loop. Isabella decided to change things up without consulting us. On Monday she seemed completely out of sorts. We were supposed to meet up with a friend that afternoon and had to cancel because she was just not herself. She looked extremely tired and was super cranky but she was having a hard time going to sleep.

Tuesday she was pretty much the same but went down for her nap for about an hour which was better than nothing. Wednesday...nothing! She refused to nap, but was in a great mood and was relentless in her pursuit of knowledge. She brought me book after book and we literally read every one of her books at least twice. I attempted to put her down for a nap 3 times and no dice. So we read and read and then went and bought a new book because I needed a change of scenery. Then bedtime came and she did not want to have anything to do with that either.

Our little reader

Looking very studious

She has even mastered learning on the go

Thursday was pretty much the same although we left in the morning hours to return something to a store and she fell asleep in the car. I was able to transfer her to her stroller and she slept for about 30 minutes, then in the afternoon (around 2:45) I tried to put her down for a nap and she resisted with all she had. I held her tight in the rocker until she gave up and started to fall asleep. I laid her down thinking she would only nap 20 minutes or so and she took a 2 hour nap! Boy that baby was tired! Last night was another struggle to get her to go to bed. I was fortunately not here for it. I went out to see The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2 and left Nick to put Isabella down. He said it took until 8:25 to get her to bed after going in 3 separate times and laying her back down. She just kept standing up and screaming. We think it is a combination of things that is making her so difficult...developmental strides and a separation anxiety. She hasn't really gone through the separation thing until now, but she does not like to be left alone in her crib, and with her hunger for reading and reading...I feel like she is trying to process things and learn them. She has been focusing on her physical development for so long and I think she is finally starting to work on some other things.

I just put her down for a nap today. There was a little resistance, but not as bad as it has been. We will see how long she naps though. I tell you what...just when you think you know what to expect from her she changes it all up. It is kind of frustrating but at least it keeps things new and exciting.

Today she is all about climbing on to things and getting in to everything she can. See below for example. Making loading the dishwasher a bit more challenging.

Lazy Sunday

We didn't do much today. After church we picked up the baby rocker for Isabella that her Great Grandma De Angelo bought for her and ran a few errands to complete the decorating in the our living room. I have changed the curtains to red and got some new throw pillows for the couch and chairs. I put the birthday money I got from my parents towards the house decorating instead of buying clothes.

Isabella likes her chair and rocks in it all by herself. It is really cute.

Half the work out, Half the pain

So today was my trial day at the gym and I tried out the Body Pump class. Isabella was in the gym's nursery and all was well. I started out with only 2 extra lbs on my bar since it was an hour long class I wasn't sure how I would hold up. About half way through I think I hear my darling daughter screaming her head off. I go in to see what is up and she has been crying for about 10 minutes. I try to figure out what has set this off since she is normally pretty good without me as long as she is being entertained by someone. While I am in there another lady who works there walks in and says something to the woman who is watching Isabella and then leaves. The minute she leaves Isabella starts crying again. It occurs to me...I ask her if this lady had come and gone before and she said yes and that was right when Isabella started screaming before. I explained to her that Isabella has this thing with people leaving...not just her mom and dad as most children do but Isabella has separation anxiety from anyone and more especially someone she doesn't know and has never met. So I ask if she can just take Isabella to the door to say "bye-bye" if anyone comes and goes and from then on she was fine. So I missed a lot of the arm workout and got back just in time for abs and a cool down. So the good news is that I am in half the amount of pain I would have been had I stayed for the whole workout. So I guess maybe Isabella did me a favor. I think I am going to join the gym on Monday. I really loved the class and I think it will be a great way to get in shape again (which I desperately need to do).

After Nick got home from work we tried to go out for dinner at Gabe's Downtown in Villa Rica. It is a great little restaurant we discovered last week. The problem was that we had limited time because of Isabella's bed time and there were lots of people sitting outside waiting for a table, so we bailed and went to the Japanese Hibachi place near our house. It was really good. Then we came home and put Isabella to bed and Nick sang me happy birthday and I blew out the candles on my cake. It was delicious.

Then I opened my gift...yippee...a new iPod. Mine was lost in the move so I am so excited to get a new one. So all in all...a good birthday. It will continue tomorrow though with sleeping in and some shopping on my own. I can't wait!